Happy Sunday Gardeners! We made it through another week! Oftentimes, we find ourselves worrying about things that we cannot control instead of focusing on the things we can. In order to become happier and more productive in everyday life, we need to focus on things we have direct control over. Let’s take my garden for example. I choose not to focus on what’s out of my control. What I can focus on is how much care I give them, how much I water and fertilize them, giving them the proper care they need. I cannot focus on drought and wind and whether or not they are going to grow properly. If I spend my time focusing on the things out of my control I am taking away from the time, love and care that I can control. This relates back to our lives in many ways.
So you might be asking yourself right now, “What are the things I should be focusing on?”. It’s simple. The things we can control are ourselves and our feelings. We control our actions, our thoughts, reponses, attitudes, behaviors and choices. What we can’t control is others thoughts, how others feel about us, others mindsets, others opinions, how other people react, and more. We can’t spend our time focusing on things we cannot control because it will drive us crazy, stop us from growing, and won’t allow us to move forward with the things that matter. By focusing on ourselves and the way we react to things, we are allowing the universe to bring us a life of growth and peace. When something bad happens to us, whether big or small, it is up to us to decide how we are going to react. If we get into an argument with someone we should focus on reacting calmly and maturely. Say what we feel, say what we need to say then move on. We can’t sit and focus on whether or not they are going to be kind back to us, or if they are even going to forgive us. We need to focus on how we reacted and how we went about it. We think so much about how other people feel, when in reality, nobody cares. Nothing is as big as we make it out to be in our minds. This is not an easy practice and it did take me a long time to find my balance in my circle of control. I found that as long as I stayed true to myself and my beliefs that I would be happier. I stopped being angry all the time, and I started tackling situations differently then I had previously. I became more focused on the way I reacted to situations instead of freaking out about how OTHERS would react to situations. If I am happy with myself and who I am, then I shouldn’t care if others are. There are always going to be people who are negative. Maybe there are people in your life who do not know how to be happy for others. It’s uncontrollable for them. But what do we get out of worrying about that? We can’t control how other people view the world, and we definitely can’t force people to like us when some people don’t even like themselves. It’s all out of our control. We just need to trust that we are making the right decisions and choices to be the best possible humans we can be.
Now… I understand that you might be thinking, “Well what if I don’t always want to be positive about situations that upset me?”. DON’T. Things are going to hurt us, it’s inevitable. I used to lash out when I got upset. Yelling at people and being an emotional wreck, then worrying about how they view me. But what I realized is that if someone is constantly hurting me and making me upset, yelling at them about it, isn’t going to fix it. Instead I’ve learned to speak about how I feel in a better manner and explain my emotions better to others. Since doing this I feel as if there were situations I started to rise above. This allowed me to not only love the way I started handling things that upset me, but it also allowed me to learn to let go of people who weren’t making me feel good anymore. Plus if someone is meant to be in my life then they will, it’s out of my control. When we stoop to another person's level, we usually end up regretting things we say or how we reacted. I don’t forgive everyone, that's not what I’m saying. I just think about the circle of control and focus on ME and what I can do in these situations. I can control how I speak, how I get my point across, how I feel about the situation. There’s nothing worse than leaving an argument and hating the way you handled it. But I can’t think and worry about how the other person is going to take it. This allows me to treat others the way I want to be treated based on what I can control and how I react to things. So maybe you got into a fight with a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Instead of thinking about how they are going to react to things, we should ask ourselves, “How am I going to go about this? What can I say that will get my feelings across in a nicer manner? How can I react if they get angry and start yelling?”. This allows us to approach difficult situations and drama with a more clear mind.
So tonight, draw a circle on a blank sheet of paper (See mine down below). On the inside write “What is in my control” and list the things you can control. On the outside of the circle write “Things out of my control” and list the things you need to stop focusing on because it’s out of your control. This can be a difficult and confusing thing to understand, especially when learning how to use this in everyday life. But with a visual and a little practice, the circle of control can make a huge difference in your life as it did for mine.
Thank you again for coming to this week's garden chat! I hope everyone has an incredible week, and I hope next time you’re in a difficult situation you think back to your circle of control! Stay groovy! Look below for my personal Circle of Control.
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